Time for a break?
Monday, July 5th, 2004, 9:41 am

Time for a break?

Last night, I went into Newcastle with my friend Heather, intending to go to the cinema and watch Troy. Yum-tastic. Well....we didn't check times, and there wasn't a showing on as late as we got there so we went to Pizza Hut, washed down with a Weatherspoons for a good old bitch about the people from highschool.

It was really great seeing H again, we always have a lot of fun when we get together. She's one of those friends that you can not see for months, but then when you get together you can more or less continue a conversation from exactly what you were talking about last...nothing's changed. It's not like that with everyone. With Hayley I sort of...we struggle to find common ground. We both have loads of stories to tell but it gets confusing, because I don't know any of the people she's talking about, and she doesn't know anything about my uni-friends. It's easier just to talk about things we've done together or things which just don't go with Uni. It's not like that with H...

Granted...H hasn't gone to university yet, she repeated year 13 to get better results...but still, she has a new set of friends (including KFC! [different story...will tell sometime...]), new stories to tell, but it's not awkward with her. I don't know why.

We had a great time last night, I've really missed her this year...although I hadn't really noticed it at the time. When we came home, I went straight to Peter's. Obviously. Things between he and I are going rather awry lately. I don't really understand why. While we sleep together every night, we're at opposite sides of the bed, with his back turned on me. We rather rarely have sex, and when we do it feels empty. We don't laugh anymore....we don't play fight, we don't tickle each other, there's no fun in anything.... I love him so much, and I love being with him, but I don't understand why things have changed.

I tried to talk to him about it last night, I asked him if he knew why things were changing, why he was treating me differently, and he said no. I asked him if I had done something to offend or upset him, he said no. I asked if I was being too boring, whether I was sudddenly unattractive to him, whether I was doing anything in particular that he didn't like. He said no. I asked him why he didn't want me anymore, he said 'no reason'. I told him that I don't understand what is happening, and in honesty I did get upset. I did start to cry. I do know tha the thinks that's emotional balckmail though, so I got out of bed, went to the bathroom, stopped crying and dried my eyes. When I went back, he was pretending to be asleep. When I climbed in next to him and cuddled in to him, I got no response. Do you know how hard it is to let yourself fall asleep next to sommeone who doesn't want you next to them, but it's too late to go home? I do.

This morning, I woke up with him cuddling me. He was asleep, it means nothing. I still felt as empty and unwanted as I did last night, but I couldn't help myself and I pressed myself back into him and went back to sleep. When I woke up again he was in the shower, so I just got up and got dressed. We left the house together with barely a word more than "good morning" and "did you sleep well?" and he gave me his usual kiss when we parted at the traffic lights. I felt so disgusted at him then, and I'm not 100% sure why. I crossed the road and went on my not-so-merry way angry at him for not being happy..it's ridiculous....

An hour ago or so, I told him [by text of course...am I brave enough to do it in person on on the phone? no] that I won't be seeing him for a few days, that I need a break away from him.

Want to hear something silly? I wish I had waited until tomorrow. The battery light on my phone is flashing empty and my charger is at his house. Good-oh.

Oh by the way....I've more or less moved myself to Livejournal now. All ye who want to keep up, read there. All ye who don't give a stuff, stuff off.

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